The image above reads: “Most people get married believing a myth that marriage is a beautiful box full of all the things they have longed for: companionship, intimacy, friendship, etc. The truth is that marriage at the start is an empty box. You must put something in before you can take anything out. There is no love in marriage. Love is in people. And people put love in marriage. There is no romance in marriage. You have to infuse it into your marriage. A couple must learn the art and form the habit of giving, loving, serving, praising, keeping the box full. If you take out more than you put in, the box will be empty.”
Someone once described it to me as a banking system made up of emotional, physical, etc deposits and withdrawals. If you are constantly making withdrawals from your account (saying negative things, being unsupportive, resentment, anger, loneliness, etc.) you will eventually be in the negative, which usually leads down a path towards divorce. To counteract all those humanly things we do and to prevent your account from being negative you must make a deposit.
Deposits play a vital role in marriages. Some deposits are larger and will last longer than others just like actual monetary deposits. Different people will require different types of deposits. To find out which deposit would be the largest or most effective with your spouse, I recommend trying to speak your spouse’s love language to the best of your ability. You may not fully understand or speak their language, and it may feel ridiculous at first, but you are choosing to make an investment in your marriage. “A couple must learn the art and form the habit of giving, loving, serving, praising, keeping the box full. If you take out more than you put in, the box will be empty.
I will be the first to tell you marriage isn’t easy by any means, but I will also be the first to tell you that it’s worth it. We have been married for 9 years (together for 15) and I couldn’t imagine, even just a few years ago, being at the place we are at now. We, as many have, had our ups and downs – valleys and peaks, probably more valleys than the average unfortunately. My husband and I both experienced trauma (in one form or another) in our young childhood and because of this we have had difficult relationships all of our lives. We did not start with an empty box. We started with a box full of crap for lack of a better word! We both spent most of our lives and our relationship together guarded, because it was easier than facing each other. Knowing it or not, we were both very fragile. It hasn’t been until recently that we have begun understanding and seeing the extraordinary benefits of letting that down, making a conscious choice to remove the crap, and fill our marriage box. The result has been entirely worth it and exactly as the “Marriage Box” describes – companionship, intimacy, and friendship bloomed. I wholeheartedly encourage you to let go of whatever it is that is holding you back from your spouse and commit to giving this a try.
As humans, we thirst for connection, closeness, and love that marriage was uniquely designed to provide. According to a study completed by “The National Institute for Marriage,” unconditional acceptance and companionship are the two most common things longed for in marriage. Love alone sometimes simply isn’t always enough to keep a marriage going strong over the years. Infuse your marriage with those deposits and withdrawals everyday to maintain the balance, companionship, intimacy, and friendship your marriage yearns for. You, your spouse, and your marriage are worth it!